I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
