Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I understand Curling. That high.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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