his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
