that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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