I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
