I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
