why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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