don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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