I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
