We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
