she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
