If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have tasted many bathrooms
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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