So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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