Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
