remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
