HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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