Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
