she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
