I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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