i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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