If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
