I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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