He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
