my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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