I heard we made out
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I understand Curling. That high.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
