so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
