So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Someone came in the potted fern
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Randomize
