I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
they need to just BURY HIM!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
