I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
