I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
