Someone shit on the floor
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
