Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
