I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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