You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
