i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
