I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
