1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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