You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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