So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
