On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
