i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
