I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
