I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i barfeds in our rink
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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