Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
