I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
