Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
