I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
