is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I stole a fireplace last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
