i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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