I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
