party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
